Alright party people!
In honour of me becoming impregnated with the Devil's child* tomorrow, I've decided to do a little journal dedicated to school and learning and education and all that not-so-fun stuff! :D

First, some questions:

What is the average wingspan of a swallow?







WRONG!
The correct answer is "African or European?"
(and I'd like to give a big shout out to Tizra from Gaiaonline for being the ONLY person after over 2 months to finally get that question right. Quick tip, "idk" is NEVER the right answer)

Question two:

If there's a fat guy in a pastry shop and $20 bill and he's ready to buy, in order to predict his volume change you'll need to know the value of pi; and there's a metal train that's a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her how long 'til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor? And if 10% of men are gay and 20% of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a man chosen at random will spend his free time and meal time while on his knees? And if Kim is half as old as Bobby who is 2 years older than 12 year old Tori, for how many more 30 day months will their threesomes be considered statutory rape?

'Cause math can be sexy!


Question three: (this is mostly for anyone who was in my chem class last year, but heck, ANYONE can give a crack at it if they like)

If Mr. Chihanovich (sp) had a grill that had broken down and needed a replacement so he bought one for $300 but then it flew off the back of his friend's truck so he had to buy another and wound up buying 2 for the low low price of $250, however he gave one of the new ones away to a friend who just bought a new house, how many burgers will Mr. Chihan be able to cook by the time he comes back to work from medical leave?






WRONG!
He's fired.


History:

American history: watch this video, it answers all you ever wondered about what happened here before you came around
[link]

Greek history:
What was Achilles' mother thinking when she dunked him into the godly lake in retrospect to why she didn't just then dunk the rest of his ankle in after the rest of him had been nicely marinated?






WRONG!
There is no certain answer, I'm a historian, not a mind reader.

Language:

French: A snail writes a certain letter on his car, and then yells what when he's driving it?







WRONG!
Okay, you might have gotten that right, but I'd hate to break tradition. Anyway, the correct answer is
"S car, go!" Get it? Like "escargot"?

Russian: Speaking of automobiles....
In Soviet Russia, car _______ you! (Fill in the blank)









WRONG!
You may have thought the answer was "drives" well, it's not. The correct answer is "диски" This is Russian class, remember? Not "Random Questions" class. You must answer IN the correct language!

...What do you mean, I don't even know the language! Of course I do, my grandma was born in Russia,** I learned by osmosis





Life lessons:

This is for all my younger, female viewers out there (if I have any)
Don't get drunk before you're 16--nothing is more obnoxious than a drunk 15 year old girl! (Thanks Nick for letting me know that one! :D)


If humility is key most of humanity is locked out! (Thanks Brandon!)


If you're stranded on a desert island with two people: a really muscle-y person and a really fat person, eat the muscle-y person first!!! It might be a bit more of a challenge, but it'll be worth it. The fat person may look plump and delicious, but all that fat will clog your arteries, not taste as good, add more fat to YOUR body, and in the end slow you down when it's your turn to be chased down and eaten.


The reason why everything is so dramatic in highschool is because: you're full of hormones, you don't really know what's going on in life yet, and most importantly, HE DOESN'T REALLY LOVE YOU (Thanks Mr. Chiarieri!) Oh, that and because teenagers have nothing better to do with their lives except bitch and complain.






Alrighty, folks! That's all for now considering I can't think of anything else :D

If I remember some stuff, I'll post it later :3

Enjoy life, and wish me luck in Hell! :D



Here's extra stuff!!

1. In case you didn't already see me upload it, Demetri and Gabriel wish you all a "Merry Education!" in this picture from Math last year when I decided not to study for the regents :3
[link]




*I didn't make up that phrase, did. Isn't it genius?!

**My grandma wasn't actually born in Russia, she was born in Bulgaria, but that's just because her parents had to flee Russia for a short while due to the Russian revolution. After she was about 6 months old, they moved back
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P.S. I think I wanna go to a self-help seminar. I don't think I need it, I just want to sit in a room full of people that are bat shit crazy X3